Dear Dr. Schwartz,
Firstly, let me praise you for the great work you have been doing. Basically I am 33 years old. I was raped when I was 15 years old and, through the years, have tried to block this terrible event by taking illegal substances. Having stated the above, for many years I was in denial as I, too, have studied medicine and worked in A&E in a busy London hospital.
To the outside world - (example - my family my friends), I look and act normal. I left the medical industry and entered the hospitality industry.
I recently got pregnant with my long term boyfriend. However, sadly, it was growing in my Fallopian tube. I ended up having surgery to remove it. Prior to this I quit my then chosen drug - heroin, and was seeking some help from a psychologist.
The pregnancy was September. Since then I have started dabbling again with heroin and I feel very desperate. I am angry. I had an outburst and broke up with the man I loved dearly.
I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I seem to be stuck in 2 people: The nice me - the professional, beautiful, respectful one, and the drug-taking, angry, hormonal, suicidal girl.
Having dealt with my inner demons for so long, I can't believe I need anti depressants.
Please help point me in the right direction. I don't want to just end up taking "happy pills." I keep going around in circles. One day I'm happy, the next day, ready to kill myself. I cont know where to start. I feel like I have too many issues right at this moment: 1.) the rape. 2.) the recent pregnancy. 3.) breaking up with boyfriend.
There is no mental illness history in my family. No history of compulsive disorder.I don't smoke cigarettes and I don't drink.
Thank you for your time.
P.S. I now live in Greece and I feel like they are backwards here. I don't know where to start!!!
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