I am 5\'2\" and about 230 lbs. I am very muscular and not very big for my weight. (about a size 18) I was turned down for a job because my BMI is over 40 (my body fat is in a healther catagory). I have been trying to loose the 35 lbs the company doc said I had to loose and am begining to fall into some really old bad habits that I had when I was in the army and was struggling to stay at 145lbs or less. I try to not eat as often as I can. I try to consume less than 1500 kcal a day. Then I get upset over something and end up eating twice that in one sitting. I have asked that sweets not be brought into the house and I try to only bring a few healthy things to eat at work. (total of less than 700kcal). I always feel, no matter how much or how little I have eaten that I shouldnt have eaten anything at all. I was running and walking alot while I was \"dieting\" but I got sick (cold) and was exausted afterwords. I have gone as far as to take laxitives to make my self go to the bathroom when I know I have eaten too much. I did that alot in the Army, and now Im finding myself wanting to do the same thing again. Im afraid to ask my doctor for help because he will only want to give me an antidepressant (im not depressed) and those make me gain weight. I thought I was doing fine until I got turned down for this job and now Im fighting the urge to eat and take laxitives and/or fast and sleep. Is this an eating disorder? I dont think that the way I feel is normal, but I dont think anyone will listen, my parents (im 29 by the way) keep hounding me about loosing weight, so they arent any help.
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